he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
