Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
