Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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