Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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