Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
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and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
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We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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