You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
