I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
