Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
