I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
