lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
