"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
