You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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