you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
