I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
