That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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