So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
