I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
