If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
