Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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