I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
