What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
