Whod you bang
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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