Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
