dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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