He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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