god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
