So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
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Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
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I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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