what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
