i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
