if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
