i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
