Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
