i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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