he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize