She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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