My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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