i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
