i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
