Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
