I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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