they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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