is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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