you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
