we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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