I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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