like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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