For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
