I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I want her autograph on my taint
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
