so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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