My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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