I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
