What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
