She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
