Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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