All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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