I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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