She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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