so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
