I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
