Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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