apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize