Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just tell him i said nine months
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
