so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
