can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
