I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
