I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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