Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
