do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
