i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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