I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
