just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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