Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
