your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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