I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
