there's paper in my vomit.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
