I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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