He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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